Small Victories: A lesson in attachment

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Today I made a personal victory of epic proportions. I had a book on hold at the library, and I didn’t pick it up. How is this a victory, you ask? That is sort of a long story…

I love to read. A lot. In a perfect world I would get paid to read and do yoga and then tell people about it. Alas, “professional yogi reader” is yet to be a job posting at KU. So instead, I read in my free time. When I say “free time” I mean time I have carved out for myself to read because it is important and enjoyable to me. Wait a minute, this sounds like a good thing, right? Well yes…and no…

Here’s the problem: Every time I hear about a book that piques my interest, I put it on hold at the local library. Usually there is a short wait, so I won’t get the book right away. When it is my turn to read the book, I have 2 weeks to pick it up before the next person in the online queue gets it. Thus begins the reading waiting game, which goes something like this:

“Aha! That awesome book about cheese you heard about on NPR is ready for you! You must go pick it up immediately! No, wait! You are already reading a rather long novel…you have 2 weeks, just be patient. *3 days later* Jumping jackrabbits! Book 1 in that Indian detective mystery series is ready! YOU NEED TO FINISH YOUR NOVEL SO YOU CAN PICK UP THE BOOK ABOUT CHEESE SO YOU CAN PICK UP THE INDIAN DETECTIVE MYSTERY!”

Happiness is a busy bookshelf

In many ways that last sentence is the story of my life…Sometimes I get really excited about several books, all at once, and I want to read them all. But my reading waiting game has unfortunately begun to tarnish an activity I treasure with stress. Instead of savoring my long novel, I am now attempting to race through it, budgeting how long it will take me to finish so I can return it and grab the next book before it, *gasp* IS TOO LATE AND THE NEXT PERSON GETS IT!

So today, while trying to decide when I could fit in a trip to the library to pick up the book about cheese (Yes, it’s real. I love cheese almost as much as I love books…maybe more.) on the LAST day before my 2 weeks are up, I had an epiphany. I could let the book go on to the next person, who is probably just as eager to read it as I, and then request it again, put myself back in the queue, and read the book when I have more time. No one will die. I will still have things to read in the meantime.

I realized I was forming an unhealthy attachment to the idea of attaining the book. I imagined opening its glossy cover, reading the reviews on the first page, flipping through the introduction, and staring at it longingly as I passed by the coffee table each day until I finished my other book.

This is a rather silly lesson in attachment, but it shows how pervasive that feeling can be. We think we must have something because we’re excited about it, so we need it right then, even if we don’t necessarily have time to appreciate it.

And so, today, I will not go to the library to pick up the book about cheese. Instead, I will I will enjoy the book I am reading, and I will not worry about all the other books out there yet to be read…at least…not too often.

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